With friends like Lance Nielson you really don't need enemies.  You know the bible says to have a friend you need to be a friend.  So I finally think I fine a friend, and he starts extorting people.

He thought I lost his brother's weird wars book, so I go replace it and some more to boot.  I think he used it too steal my identity.  What a great friend you are Lance.  I was really wondering where all this money was going I was making, now I know.  

I try and keep you out of trouble by getting you to work with authorities, and what do you do?  You frame me to take the blame for your crimes.  To boot you steal the woman I wanted to marry after I was working myself to the bone to try and save up the money to support her.  Quite frankly, I hope you too are a happy couple together.  Perhaps I should have listened to other people when they tried to warn me.  Oh, well, love is blind.

Perhaps I should have known better after working for you uncle at Dominoes.  After he falsie accused me of stealing from him.  He REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAllllly needs to keep better records.  For all he talk about teamwork I dont' see alot of it going on at Dominoes.

Perhaps I shouldn't have tried to help your aunt at her store Health Habit.  Doing errands for her.  Giving her my business consulting for free.  You people really know how to put the wool over my eyes I must say.  She might want to make sure her mother isn't taking things from her when she's not there.

By the way, did I mention your two brothers.  One that owns the video rental place?  I just go in to take a look at his selection and he orders me about.  He might want to work on his customer service.

So I go to you for help for being extorted, and you turn around and try and extort me.  Quite frankly, I'm better of without you.  Thanks friend for making realize that.